I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
