party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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