If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
