Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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