she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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