Banned from zoo.
Again?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
