i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
