Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
