I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
be right there i have to get my cape
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
