My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
