i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
