My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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