Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He shit in the fireplace
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
