We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
