stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
