she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
