I just threw up on my dentist
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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