your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
