It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
