a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
