I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
