I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
