He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
