Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
