she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
