im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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