they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
