so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
