I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
