I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
