i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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