I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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