holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
