it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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