I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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