also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
