Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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