you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
