Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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