So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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