bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
