tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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