I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
