good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
