You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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