And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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