you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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