The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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