just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
