I like to think it a success when the cops are called
kristin has been a bad kristin
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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